One of my favourite story metaphors is about my husband (Robert to most, Bobby to me. Bob Sleigh at Christmas time. Because, you know, it’s good to have a Christmas version of your name.)
Anyway so when Robert was little he found school really quite hard and a bit scary like most of us. So when he realised that his little brother, who is four years younger, would have to go through the same experience, he started a collection of all his books with all the correct answers to everything. He was so pleased with himself. He was convinced he would save his brother from so much hard work and struggle and upset.
When it was finally time for his brother to start school, little Robert presented him with the treasure chest filled with exercise books and notes. His brother thanked him and closed the lid but never once opened it again.
It took Robert years to work out why on earth his brother hadn’t used the books. And I guess we are all still working out moment by moment what it means to love someone without saving them from what they need to go through.
I know for me as a parent this is a big one. Where I land on this determines how I respond to so much of what my children bring to me. And how I respond to everyone. The urge to save, to soothe, to solve, to give answers, is so strong. But when I ask what the loving position is, very often it is to be there, to witness, to offer compassion rather than change circumstances, adjust or stop things happening. Other times it is absolutely appropriate for me to step in.
And oh it’s a learning and a journey and a constant process of finding balance. But I love having the treasure chest story in me as I find my way. So I am sharing it with you too.
❤️
About Hollie
