Some Christmassy, anti-perfectionistic, possibly self-involved things about my life that occur to me on my sofa right now:

1. Our Christmas tree has entirely dried up. Way before Christmas Day. I really want to chop it up and compost it. But cannot be bothered so am staying in denial.
2. I am totally behind on all things organised. This is my second year of Christmas card strike and I think I like it. But then I get the last minute panics about it because I’m a bit neurotic about small things like that when I forget to pray often enough.
3. I cannot keep up with my emails and texts. Not because I have so many (although my goodness there are so many) but because I am part of the new generation of human beings trying to figure out (a) how to be present and (b) how to integrate technology into that equation. If you have figured out the answer to this please let me know. Right now I’m responding in my head and dreams and hoping people know I love them.
4. I have a nagging feeling that I am not doing enough for all the people who are suffering right now. Christmas is joyful and it is also grief-full. I swing between awareness of these things and hang out in between a lot. And do my best.
5. Another Christmas, another year of me not looking like a Boden model slinking around in flimsy pyjamas with perfect hair as expected. By me only.
6. All my favourite cardigans (long enough to camouflage the non Boden bits) have stains on them. Mainly tea and some tomato sauce.
7. I am closer than ever before to being able to accept myself so fully in this moment, under a blanket, hair a mess, so much not done, that I actually feel the beginnings of great celebration in my bones about how entirely and perfectly messy and beautiful I am all at once.
8. The reason that excites me is that if I can feel this after so many years of being hard on myself, I might be able to drop some breadcrumbs for the other messy, beautiful people I so believe in and want to sit with. As soon as I can figure out how to organise a real life retreat with food and love and laughter and dance and maybe only three people that is. But hey one step at a time.
9. I hereby crown myself the messy, beautiful queen of my messy, beautiful life. {see pretty quote for inspiration}
10. I wonder if you might like to join me. All you need is pyjamas, a sofa, even an inch of surrender and a vague memory of where you left your sense of humour.
11. I’m not entirely sure but I think this is my favourite thing I have ever written down. And it now it finishes on 11, which makes it even more eligible for nomination as favourite.

Loves.
❤️